Is it time?

I have been waiting..Waiting is the key word. Waiting for things to happen, isn't that life in general?

Today one of my coworker said something about me that I never thought I will ever hear it. She said, "you're too strong and too independence. at times you need to act needy and hopeless so that he can feel that he can help and take care of you. Being the way you are, makes him feel that you're fine by yourself and there's no need for him to take action in taking good care of you."

She also commented,"you're not getting any younger, a man's being 30 is his new 20. For you, you being 30 means you're being 30. We girls are different from them. I cannot always wait and wait and wait for him to act. We need time to recover, move on, find someone better, get to know that person, fall in love, get comfortable, blah blah..those takes a lot of time. Girls cannot waste their time for a guy who's not willing to walk with you to the same goal."

I understand....

Somewhat Stressful...Wait..Been Stressful

Work been kinda stressful....

I usually dont bring my work stress home... I am pretty good about that. Why do some people just have to upset me when I just want to stay comfortable, feel comfortable, sit down to watch tv and relax....

I cant understand how some people just dont understand the meaning of relaxing..what is stay home and relax?

Independent

Sometimes, its a good thing to be independent. Some say, an independent woman are one of the most attractive quality. It may or may not be true. I think it might be a sad thing.

As independent as a woman want to be....she also wants to have someone to rely on..a shoulder to cry on..Most importantly, rely on,,,

I guess I finally understand why independent women are usually lonely women.

Independent women may be strong...I think they are forced to be strong...When you have no one to rely on...you just have to be strong..

Thoughts

For the first time ever, I don't want to share my thoughts and feelings. Usually I talk all the problems and feelings out to feel better.

I am not sure why I am doing what I am doing.

Am I scared to conclude? Am I scared to scare myself? Am I trying to avoid? Am I simply not knowing how I feel and for that reason, I dont want to feel?

I think its all the above.

I don't want to conclude because it will scare me and will eventually makes me what to avoid

Face Problem

I am starting to see another side of me.

I guess I am those type of people

who will not and refuse to face the problems until it's right in front of me.

Its too much to handle

I have always wanted to be happy. When I am by myself, I am happy. When I am with my boyfriend, I am happy. When I am with my friends, I am happy. The possible thing in this world that makes me the most sad is my family. Whenever I talk about my family, I can easily cry. Not just any crying. Its those when you hear the crying sound, it makes you want to cry so badly too.

A lot of people dont like hearing me talk bad about my family. Others believe families are families. But there are families that are too much to handle. Not all families are happy. Of course I want mines to be happy. Since I was a child, I have always tried my very best to make everything happy and good. For that reason, they find me very annoying. I always smile in front of them. Always joke. Doesnt matter how hard I try to act happy and fun, they think I am too much to handle. They think that I cannot be serious. They think that I am lazy. They think that I have a bad attitube. They think that that I think of everything as a joke.

From that point on, I stopped trying. Doesnt matter how hard I try to make things good in this family, it will never be appreciated. I clean the house and they have no idea. I dont clean the house, they get upset at me for being lazy. I got fired for some really stupid reason in this world but they claim it was me who gave my boss bad attitube thats why I got fired. To them, I will never be good for them.

As a child, my parents told me that they tend to yell and pick on me more than my sibling. Great! thats what you tell a 7 year old kid. When I get upset with something, they always think I overreact. When my siblings get upset with something, they think its so sad.

Whenever anyone in this family gets sick, theres always someone to take care of them and of course my parents ordered me to do so. and Of course I was very much willing too.. However, tell me why. tell me why everytime when I get sick, no one cared. I had to make my own food and they have the gust to tell me to make them some.

It's not that I want to hate on my family. I dont want that. If I can choose, of course I want a happy family but the truth is, I have a messed up family. My siblings are selfish people. Its all about them. My parents have their own idea and image of me. Doesnt matter how much I try to change their idea of me, it just make it worse.

I want to whin to someone about how hard it is to be in this family. Whenever they get upset, why is it that they always come to me and point their fingers at me. How come they cant go to my brothers and sisters. How come when the house is not cleaned, it all my fault. Am I the only person who lives here?

I want to cry so badly now but I cant. I know that once I cry, its not gonna stop and its gonna be a big crying moment. In other words, I will have big gold fish eyes. They are too much to handle. I am always sad when I'm at home.

Thoughts of the Day

How come when you don't want to think about something, you just tend to think even more about it.

How come when you don't want to know about something, you tend to want to know.