I am starting to see another side of me.
I guess I am those type of people
who will not and refuse to face the problems until it's right in front of me.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Its too much to handle
I have always wanted to be happy. When I am by myself, I am happy. When I am with my boyfriend, I am happy. When I am with my friends, I am happy. The possible thing in this world that makes me the most sad is my family. Whenever I talk about my family, I can easily cry. Not just any crying. Its those when you hear the crying sound, it makes you want to cry so badly too.
A lot of people dont like hearing me talk bad about my family. Others believe families are families. But there are families that are too much to handle. Not all families are happy. Of course I want mines to be happy. Since I was a child, I have always tried my very best to make everything happy and good. For that reason, they find me very annoying. I always smile in front of them. Always joke. Doesnt matter how hard I try to act happy and fun, they think I am too much to handle. They think that I cannot be serious. They think that I am lazy. They think that I have a bad attitube. They think that that I think of everything as a joke.
From that point on, I stopped trying. Doesnt matter how hard I try to make things good in this family, it will never be appreciated. I clean the house and they have no idea. I dont clean the house, they get upset at me for being lazy. I got fired for some really stupid reason in this world but they claim it was me who gave my boss bad attitube thats why I got fired. To them, I will never be good for them.
As a child, my parents told me that they tend to yell and pick on me more than my sibling. Great! thats what you tell a 7 year old kid. When I get upset with something, they always think I overreact. When my siblings get upset with something, they think its so sad.
Whenever anyone in this family gets sick, theres always someone to take care of them and of course my parents ordered me to do so. and Of course I was very much willing too.. However, tell me why. tell me why everytime when I get sick, no one cared. I had to make my own food and they have the gust to tell me to make them some.
It's not that I want to hate on my family. I dont want that. If I can choose, of course I want a happy family but the truth is, I have a messed up family. My siblings are selfish people. Its all about them. My parents have their own idea and image of me. Doesnt matter how much I try to change their idea of me, it just make it worse.
I want to whin to someone about how hard it is to be in this family. Whenever they get upset, why is it that they always come to me and point their fingers at me. How come they cant go to my brothers and sisters. How come when the house is not cleaned, it all my fault. Am I the only person who lives here?
I want to cry so badly now but I cant. I know that once I cry, its not gonna stop and its gonna be a big crying moment. In other words, I will have big gold fish eyes. They are too much to handle. I am always sad when I'm at home.
A lot of people dont like hearing me talk bad about my family. Others believe families are families. But there are families that are too much to handle. Not all families are happy. Of course I want mines to be happy. Since I was a child, I have always tried my very best to make everything happy and good. For that reason, they find me very annoying. I always smile in front of them. Always joke. Doesnt matter how hard I try to act happy and fun, they think I am too much to handle. They think that I cannot be serious. They think that I am lazy. They think that I have a bad attitube. They think that that I think of everything as a joke.
From that point on, I stopped trying. Doesnt matter how hard I try to make things good in this family, it will never be appreciated. I clean the house and they have no idea. I dont clean the house, they get upset at me for being lazy. I got fired for some really stupid reason in this world but they claim it was me who gave my boss bad attitube thats why I got fired. To them, I will never be good for them.
As a child, my parents told me that they tend to yell and pick on me more than my sibling. Great! thats what you tell a 7 year old kid. When I get upset with something, they always think I overreact. When my siblings get upset with something, they think its so sad.
Whenever anyone in this family gets sick, theres always someone to take care of them and of course my parents ordered me to do so. and Of course I was very much willing too.. However, tell me why. tell me why everytime when I get sick, no one cared. I had to make my own food and they have the gust to tell me to make them some.
It's not that I want to hate on my family. I dont want that. If I can choose, of course I want a happy family but the truth is, I have a messed up family. My siblings are selfish people. Its all about them. My parents have their own idea and image of me. Doesnt matter how much I try to change their idea of me, it just make it worse.
I want to whin to someone about how hard it is to be in this family. Whenever they get upset, why is it that they always come to me and point their fingers at me. How come they cant go to my brothers and sisters. How come when the house is not cleaned, it all my fault. Am I the only person who lives here?
I want to cry so badly now but I cant. I know that once I cry, its not gonna stop and its gonna be a big crying moment. In other words, I will have big gold fish eyes. They are too much to handle. I am always sad when I'm at home.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thoughts of the Day
How come when you don't want to think about something, you just tend to think even more about it.
How come when you don't want to know about something, you tend to want to know.
How come when you don't want to know about something, you tend to want to know.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thoughts of the Day
Its very interesting how things turn out. Things you want, you might not get. Things you dont want, you might get. Thats just how it works.
Live life with little expectation. Expectation helps move us to a direction that we hope to move toward. Too much expectation will create a bad result. Too much expectation will turn stubborn. Being stubborn will truly blind you from your true self. No expectation means life is just nothing. Life is more than nothing.
A little everyday will make everyday seem a little more interesting.
Live life with little expectation. Expectation helps move us to a direction that we hope to move toward. Too much expectation will create a bad result. Too much expectation will turn stubborn. Being stubborn will truly blind you from your true self. No expectation means life is just nothing. Life is more than nothing.
A little everyday will make everyday seem a little more interesting.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Hate groups
One thing I hate about school is group project.
I seriously hate doing group projects. Some people are just a lot to handle. First of all, how hard is it to do your part? Second, how hard is it to turn your parts in time like others? third of all, how hard is it to listen and compromise.
Due date to email slides to every member is Sunday and now almost Tuesday. comeon. and they're in college? Some people are just not willing to take ideas from other people.
Is it really that hard to compromise and work together like a group of people. OR is it just human's nature to not work together?
Sorry to say this but some people are seriously STUPID. How can you add something fun (she said like games, quizzes and something to make our topic more interesting) when you're presenting a sensitive topic to your fellow classmates. Most classmate expressed that our topic is pretty interesting and one of my group member is doubting her own project. common..
I seriously hate doing group projects. Some people are just a lot to handle. First of all, how hard is it to do your part? Second, how hard is it to turn your parts in time like others? third of all, how hard is it to listen and compromise.
Due date to email slides to every member is Sunday and now almost Tuesday. comeon. and they're in college? Some people are just not willing to take ideas from other people.
Is it really that hard to compromise and work together like a group of people. OR is it just human's nature to not work together?
Sorry to say this but some people are seriously STUPID. How can you add something fun (she said like games, quizzes and something to make our topic more interesting) when you're presenting a sensitive topic to your fellow classmates. Most classmate expressed that our topic is pretty interesting and one of my group member is doubting her own project. common..
Monday, April 27, 2009
It has been long
I decided to write today.
A lot has happened and I have no idea where to start.
I got a huge promotion. I am so happy for myself and the fact that they believe in me. However, I'm kinda scared that I cannot live up to the standard. But I know I have to try. What surprise me the most is that, they are willing to give me 6 months to try the position out and see if I like it. As they claim, they said that if I dont like it they will find another position for me. They make it sound so easy but its not and we all know it. They are trying to make me feel less scared. So nice and sweet of them. So in June, I will still be part time until July 1 to be full time. I want to ask them. So when I'm part time and full time does that mean my paycheck gonna go up and up..or its just gonna be the same as now.
The truth is, I care more about the pay check than the job it self. No, Dont get me wrong, I like the position and its gonna be very challenging but I need to watch my wallet and save as much money as possible for future plans.
They are so nice to me. I dont need to deal with HR and they all will take care of it for me. I feel extremely lucky. In the end, its all worth working here for 5 years. I dont really know my new supervisor and I hope hes nice. One day, I will visit him to introduce myself. I had a bad experience with a man supervisor back in 2003. He and I just dislike each other so much. Hopefully, this one not gonna be the same. But I know I have a lot of people at work to back me up.
I started working here July 5, 2004. I was still a young and naive girl. I was scared and my head was not as high as I am now. I was a little girl and now I am glad to say that I am a woman or maybe in between ^_^. Everyone here saw my change. They are so proud of me and I am too. They make me seem like I am so good at this and that but for some reason, I dont really see that in myself. Low self-esteem? I guess I still have some of that. I used to have no confident, low self-esteem, etc but now everything changed. Thankz to my mentor. She truly taught me a lot. Everyone at work are GREAT.
After graduation, its gonna be a whole new stage. I wonder when I'm gonna start working there but first we need to hire an intern and I get to interview and pick them. NICE!!!
A lot has happened and I have no idea where to start.
I got a huge promotion. I am so happy for myself and the fact that they believe in me. However, I'm kinda scared that I cannot live up to the standard. But I know I have to try. What surprise me the most is that, they are willing to give me 6 months to try the position out and see if I like it. As they claim, they said that if I dont like it they will find another position for me. They make it sound so easy but its not and we all know it. They are trying to make me feel less scared. So nice and sweet of them. So in June, I will still be part time until July 1 to be full time. I want to ask them. So when I'm part time and full time does that mean my paycheck gonna go up and up..or its just gonna be the same as now.
The truth is, I care more about the pay check than the job it self. No, Dont get me wrong, I like the position and its gonna be very challenging but I need to watch my wallet and save as much money as possible for future plans.
They are so nice to me. I dont need to deal with HR and they all will take care of it for me. I feel extremely lucky. In the end, its all worth working here for 5 years. I dont really know my new supervisor and I hope hes nice. One day, I will visit him to introduce myself. I had a bad experience with a man supervisor back in 2003. He and I just dislike each other so much. Hopefully, this one not gonna be the same. But I know I have a lot of people at work to back me up.
I started working here July 5, 2004. I was still a young and naive girl. I was scared and my head was not as high as I am now. I was a little girl and now I am glad to say that I am a woman or maybe in between ^_^. Everyone here saw my change. They are so proud of me and I am too. They make me seem like I am so good at this and that but for some reason, I dont really see that in myself. Low self-esteem? I guess I still have some of that. I used to have no confident, low self-esteem, etc but now everything changed. Thankz to my mentor. She truly taught me a lot. Everyone at work are GREAT.
After graduation, its gonna be a whole new stage. I wonder when I'm gonna start working there but first we need to hire an intern and I get to interview and pick them. NICE!!!
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