Close friends will need to be apart

I don't have a lot of friends because I pick ppl to be my friends. Its not because they are not good enough for me, its just that, those people are not my type of friends. I don't want to be fake and pretend that I like them and/or want to be their friends. I just cant do it.

I have a several close friends. Some guys and some girls. It's also hard for me to find close friends. People who I can freely talk are usually my close friends. YES Danny, I consider you my close friend. People who you can trust. People who you can tell your situation/ problem and without asking, they for sure will reply or give you some kind of feedback. People who will for sure keep your secrets.

I think I am losing a few close friends. They recently moved out of SF for school. They got transfered. Well, its not really because of the transfer. when they were still here, we were already moving apart. They are all into partying, going out, drinking, etc. A total change of interest. Thats totally not me. I dont drink for the hell of it. I dont party or go out just because people ask/want me to go. I drink because I want to drink and enjoy the drink. I party because I want to be there with my friends and have fun with them. I go out because I need to enjoy my life outside of my house and I want to go out. So--> That was our opposite. WE moved apart. Stopped talking to each other. No more sharing life situations/problems. No more a lot of things.

The more they went out. The more friends they all got. All those friends replaced me. Oh well!

I dont really care because true friends will stick with me forever. Those who are not willing to keep in touch, call me to hang out, or IM me online are just not true friends. I am always online, its not hard to IM me. I also have unlimited text and they know it.

They planned a trip together. Amazing they still have so much money to go on a few day trip outside of the state. I dont have any extra money. In fact, I need some extra please. I have been knowing about this trip. HELLO FACEBOOK!! They finally asked whether I wanted to join them. I told them I dont have any extra to spend. I told them that it seems to me that they been planning it. They said yes, for about a month by now and that they didnt have the chance to ask me about it. YEA...

So here we go. I decided to move myself away from them. Like I said earlier, true friends will always stick with you. I dont want to sound desparate and I am not.

I dont need a whole lot of friends. I only need a couple or a few or several CLOSE and TRUE friends who I know will be there for me no matter what.

Today is Friday. THANK GOD its friday. I have been hating school a lot. Most of the time I'm just too lazy to do my hw and study.

These two last classes are my core classes and all you need is a D- to pass the class. That is stupid but its kinda good for students. I'm thinking to myself. I am so lazy, maybe I just get a D and pass the class and let it be. But its impossible for me to get a D. so no way. Maybe a C-. lolz. I will still try but just not as hard as I do in Fall semesters. OR maybe I'm lazy because this is my LAST and FINAL semester. WaHOO to me. I am still trying and still working hard, just just not as hard.

Seeing other seniors working so hard makes me feel bad.

Oh No

Oh NO!

I totally forgot I'm on my spring semester. Why am I so surprise? I tend to be super lazy in spring semester. I tend to work super hard in fall semester. For the last two weeks, I wondered by I am being so lazy. Today, Sunday, I just realized I'm on my spring semester. NO WONDER..It's weird but so TRUE. ah..ah..oh no..what am I going to do now. I need to push myself harder.

From today

I feel so small.

I am getting older and wiser. I am trying to look for a nice ring around and less than 50 dollars. LOLZ yes its kinda cheap but I just need something on my finger to remind me one thing. I need to love myself and let myself be myself. I cannot always adjust to people's. I cannot always do what others want me to do. OR put myself down and lower my own standards to please others. I cannot be afraid to be who I am. I cannot be afraid of being alone.

I hope to find a ring tomorrow. I told myself that I wasn't going to buy anything because I want to save but this ring means a lot to me. I need to buy one. Not diamond. I wish but no money. Without a ring, I can still remind myself of that but I like to have it on my finger 24/7. Maybe I am reminding myself a little more than just one thing.

She is gone. please RIP. Everyone will always remember you.

third time crying. I really really feel so sad

R.I.P.

My ex-bf of one year and two month elder sister died of blood cancer. I found out today from one of my friend. She told me that hes going to her church. She passed away on May 2008. I know her and I hung out with her before. I cannot remember what we did but she was nice and always sweet to me. I saw her as a sister. I always wanted a sister. She was someone I looked up to when I was still with my last bf. She was only 26 when she passed away. She got a transplant but unfortunately, after a month, it didnt work out for her. She passed away.

When I heard about it, I was like "NO WAY!!, she only 27" but reality is reality. My heart felt sour and my eyes were crazily watery. I wanted to cry but it didnt hit me that hard yet until I got home and started thinking whether I should email him to give him my best regards. In the end I did. After my email to him, my friend called me to give me a link about her cancer. I read it and started crying so badly. My friend soon sent me another link of what my ex sister wrote. That got me crying more and harder. I know where she works and every time when I drive by her work place, I always thought about her. She was always in my mind. I truly saw her as a sister.

AFter talking to my friend about this matter, I stopped crying. They comforted me that she is in a better place. I was like WAIT A MINUTE. Why am I this sad. I was really sad. I was sad that how can such a bright person with such a wonderful heart pass away with a chance to live but that chance of transplant was just a lie. Thats hurtful. I soon stopped crying. But almost an hour and a half, I started thinking about it again and I cried again.

I am so sad how life can be so easy...How can she have such a rare disease that maybe 1 person out of 1000 people may have it. If I knew about this earlier, I would love to visit her and get my blood tested and campaign her situation to all Asian students for help.

I dont really know why I am so sad after so many years since we broke up. I wish him and his family the best. It breaks my heart to know that she had a chance but that chance was just a joke. Please Rest in peace.

I treasure everything I have. AT least I try my very best. It makes me sad to know that some people out there still dont understand how to treasure their loving ones. Please, life is short, treasure all you have now.

Just excited

I got all my grades. I am very happy with them because I got two unexpected good grades. I thought I was gonna get a C- or not pass but I got way better than a C-. Did professors turn GOOD? Overall, I got really good grades.

Work is boring. I like to be full time or at least more flexible. LIKE, let me work more during breaks but I cannot because I am required to work the hours I have. sucks. I want another part time job.

Boyfriend....NO comment. I know how to love him and at the same time, I truly know how to hate his guts. nothing went wrong. I am just saying it.

Family. one word, worries. Please let it pass as soon as possible.

School. I will be getting my classes on Thursday. Hopefully, I get the professor I want. ONLY four classes and I am so DONE!! I hope they are good and easy professor.

Life. kinda boring but kinda relaxing. I am done with my RPG game. It's kinda fun.

I think I am getting FAT!! People never believe me but I know my body better than anyone out there. I am getting FAT. o well....I'm too lazy. I'll let it burn its own fat...slowly..HAHAHA

I have been sleeping really late.