Sunday, November 30, 2008

Getting Marry!


I am so happy that my friends are getting marry. I cannot wait to go to their wedding. If all goes well, I hope they will have their wedding in early 2009. I am so HAPPY for them.

They been together for 10 years. I KNOW!! SO LONG? you know why I am so happy to know that they're finally getting marry. They been together since like middle school.

The groom asked me when its gonna be my turn.
I was like "You're kidding me"
He repeated "When will it be your turn"
I replied "Never because my bf is not the type that wants to get marry, he likes his freedoms and friends. He doesn't even want to talk about it because he said we're just too young"
groom suggested "Make him"
I said to him "If I have to make a guy love me, stay with me, marry me, I rather not be with that guy. I want the guy to want to love me, stay with me and marry me."
He said "Ok, I guess you just have to wait"
I laughed and said "its so weird how girls will eventually feel that they are wasting their youth on just one guy whos just not willing to get marry or have a future with the girl. Unfortunately, I am one of the girls"
He replied "That is true."

It is true. If I have to waste my youth on just one guy whos just not willing to marry me in the end, I rather break up with that guy. Why waste your time with someone who you will never have a future with? Today he will not want to marry you. Two years from now, he will not. Five years from now, he still will not. How many five years a girl have? I'm 22 years old now. Thats young like all say but 5 years from now I will be 27. That means I am only 3 years away from 30. Being 30 is another stage of life. Do I want to be in another stage of my life with the same guy who were with me since I was 17? NO! HELL NO!!

I am not desperate to get marry. I am still young. Still young for another 3 years. It was just a topic that came up between the groom and I. hehe..I need to keep this a secret from the bride and everyone. Actually, they're looking for a house right now and she knows that they will get marry. BUT he haven't propose to her yet. They are 24 and 26 years old. I think its the right age to get marry and NOT to mention they been together for 10 YEARS. I am so happy for them!!!


Grateful and not

For some reason, I feel grateful today.

I feel grateful for having a peaceful life (I think).
I feel grateful for having my bf to company me and try his best to comfort me (at times).
I feel grateful for being in school (still hate school).
I feel grateful for having a job (true).
I feel grateful for having a healthy body (true).
I feel grateful that my FALL semester classes are not all that hard (wished I work a little harder).
I feel grateful that I will soon graduate and move on to a new chapter (that is if I get all my classes).

Today is Sunday; in other words, work. Something I dont feel all too grateful for. I am helping my parents out on sunday and I am much willing to help them. Besides its kinda nice to have a whole day with them since I dont see them much. However, I have been doing this since 2003. It has been a long time. I just wish that I can have some of the Sundays to myself to recover from school and other stress or just to relax. For example, I went to Reno one Saturday morning to watch a Concert. The next morning, I had my boyfriend rush me back to SF to get my car so that I can drive all the way down here to my parents. In that case, I wished I had that Sunday to myself. Right now, its just me and my second brother. What happened that my other brother and a sister? Lets just say, they say they have STUFF to do. They havent been coming for a long time by now. SEE! How can I request a Sunday off when theres really no one willing to take my place. I see my parents position, if not, its gonna be a whole lot different. See my point. I am willing but at times, I need my space. My dad on the other hand, will never see my position. He, a traditional man, thinks that its his childrens duties to help him at any cost. On the other hand, my mom, traditional but not as stubborn as my dad, understands the need to relax and time to self.

I feel grateful but at the same time, I feel out of place.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Today is thankzgiving. Nothing much happened. It's kinda cold today. For that reason, I did not want to wake up. Got up around 11:45am..hehe..I know thats kinda late. No school, and no work..need to catch up you know. Breakfast. Room to watch movies and slept some more until 5:55pm. Got up and watch a little more TV and than dinner and in the end, more TV. Sounds kinda boring huh? its really relaxing. I feel sleepy again. I have this one essay, I need to turn in on friday and I still haven't started. so lazy.

So back to the "let him have more freedom" topic. My first post, people think that I am not giving my bf enough space/freedom just because I like to know where he is. So, I decided to change to be more carefree and it has been a little less than a week. The result is fine. Whenever he tells me that hes going out, I'm like "o..ok.." and when he ask me questions like "can I do that?" my answer is "do whatever you like/please" well..lately, he have been going out a lot. I feel fine with that..not a whole lot of feelings..not upset or anything..nothing... I guess I am doing a good job on trying to be more carefree.

Today, he went to cousins BBQ than his relative and now he called to tell me that hes going to sunset. I said "o..ok" after 5 minutes into the conversation, he asked "you're not gonna ask me where I'm going?" I said "whatever you like la" so there we go..Do I sound like I dont care or sound like I am giving him more freedom. For some reason, I think both of them are the same thing. I duno, maybe its just me.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Stupid RPG

STUPID PS 2 RPG...Dawn of Mana...Its one old game..they discontinued the I have one used copy..anyways...WHat kind of RPG it is when u cannot save the items..such as items to help restore HP and that means when I fight the stupid boss, theres no way I can heal myself...during the fight, I have to run around to avoid getting hit by the tiring..NO WONDER they stopped making this stupid game..its BULLSHIT!! so pissed..I played for like 5 hours and still haven't finish with chapter 2..I thought maybe my characters level is not high enough to handle I went back to get my level after it went higher, i went back to fight the boss and its the same bullshit..comon..5 hours..wasted..DAMN IT

Suppose to help mom but in the end, she said she got it all uncontrolled. what? I guess its fine, gave me time to play some stupid and time wasting RPG...its going back to the SHOP!!

A little bit a day...

It's so cold...I kinda like it and kinda hate it at the same time. School schedule came out yesterday. I am so worry about my last four senior classes. Actually, I mainly worry about this two classes. What if I dont get it next semester. That means I have to take some BS classes and take summer. In other words, instead of finishing in MAY, I will have to finish in AUGUST. NO! O well, we will see.

DAY#2 (do you count the day that you start), So far, I am doing great with trying to be more carefree...=D It's kinda killing me but not too much. I feel a little more relaxed and good stuff like that. Life is too short to worry and stress...

I bought a lot of interesting topic books. I cannot wait to read it but I usually buy it and leave it on my shelves. I kinda like that because I can look through my books whenever I want to read anything at the moment.

This week, I dont have school but I have some homework. Kinda lazy to do anything but I feel so relax and free. Wahoo for me.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I miss the old me

Sometimes I feel that I have changed. Bad change or good change. I think its a little bit of both. GOOD, I learned to handle stress really well. BAD, at times I can be really serious to a point that I become too stubborn to relax and cool off..

I started to realize how much I miss the carefree person I once was. WOW! thats like back in high school. I was so carefree back in high school but maybe because I am in college now thats why I became more serious with things. Family, work, school and relationship. I might be pushing my bf a lot to a point that he might hate me. Actually, I hate him as much as he hates me. We're kinda in a love hate relationship. Some people say that I am controlling in my relationship but others say that I am just too serious. People who called me a controlling person, makes me feel HORRIBLE. I am not a bad person. I'm a girl and I see things and want things differently from a guy. What can I say, I am from Verus and my bf from Mars.

SO my new year resolution (kinda earily for that) is to become CAREFREE. I know how to handle stress but I dont know how to relax..HAHAHA does that make any sense?