Sunday, November 30, 2008
I am so happy that my friends are getting marry. I cannot wait to go to their wedding. If all goes well, I hope they will have their wedding in early 2009. I am so HAPPY for them.
They been together for 10 years. I KNOW!! SO LONG? haha..now you know why I am so happy to know that they're finally getting marry. They been together since like middle school.
The groom asked me when its gonna be my turn.
I was like "You're kidding me"
He repeated "When will it be your turn"
I replied "Never because my bf is not the type that wants to get marry, he likes his freedoms and friends. He doesn't even want to talk about it because he said we're just too young"
groom suggested "Make him"
I said to him "If I have to make a guy love me, stay with me, marry me, I rather not be with that guy. I want the guy to want to love me, stay with me and marry me."
He said "Ok, I guess you just have to wait"
I laughed and said "its so weird how girls will eventually feel that they are wasting their youth on just one guy whos just not willing to get marry or have a future with the girl. Unfortunately, I am one of the girls"
He replied "That is true."
It is true. If I have to waste my youth on just one guy whos just not willing to marry me in the end, I rather break up with that guy. Why waste your time with someone who you will never have a future with? Today he will not want to marry you. Two years from now, he will not. Five years from now, he still will not. How many five years a girl have? I'm 22 years old now. Thats young like all say but 5 years from now I will be 27. That means I am only 3 years away from 30. Being 30 is another stage of life. Do I want to be in another stage of my life with the same guy who were with me since I was 17? NO! HELL NO!!
I am not desperate to get marry. I am still young. Still young for another 3 years. It was just a topic that came up between the groom and I. hehe..I need to keep this a secret from the bride and everyone. Actually, they're looking for a house right now and she knows that they will get marry. BUT he haven't propose to her yet. They are 24 and 26 years old. I think its the right age to get marry and NOT to mention they been together for 10 YEARS. I am so happy for them!!!
I feel grateful for having a peaceful life (I think).
I feel grateful for having my bf to company me and try his best to comfort me (at times).
I feel grateful for being in school (still hate school).
I feel grateful for having a job (true).
I feel grateful for having a healthy body (true).
I feel grateful that my FALL semester classes are not all that hard (wished I work a little harder).
I feel grateful that I will soon graduate and move on to a new chapter (that is if I get all my classes).
I feel grateful but at the same time, I feel out of place.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
So back to the "let him have more freedom" topic. My first post, people think that I am not giving my bf enough space/freedom just because I like to know where he is. So, I decided to change to be more carefree and it has been a little less than a week. The result is fine. Whenever he tells me that hes going out, I'm like "o..ok.." and when he ask me questions like "can I do that?" my answer is "do whatever you like/please" well..lately, he have been going out a lot. I feel fine with that..not a whole lot of feelings..not upset or anything..nothing... I guess I am doing a good job on trying to be more carefree.
Today, he went to cousins BBQ than his relative and now he called to tell me that hes going to sunset. I said "o..ok" after 5 minutes into the conversation, he asked "you're not gonna ask me where I'm going?" I said "whatever you like la" so there we go..Do I sound like I dont care or sound like I am giving him more freedom. For some reason, I think both of them are the same thing. I duno, maybe its just me.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Suppose to help mom but in the end, she said she got it all uncontrolled. what? I guess its fine, gave me time to play some stupid and time wasting RPG...its going back to the SHOP!!
DAY#2 (do you count the day that you start), So far, I am doing great with trying to be more carefree...=D It's kinda killing me but not too much. I feel a little more relaxed and good stuff like that. Life is too short to worry and stress...
I bought a lot of interesting topic books. I cannot wait to read it but I usually buy it and leave it on my shelves. I kinda like that because I can look through my books whenever I want to read anything at the moment.
This week, I dont have school but I have some homework. Kinda lazy to do anything but I feel so relax and free. Wahoo for me.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I started to realize how much I miss the carefree person I once was. WOW! thats like back in high school. I was so carefree back in high school but maybe because I am in college now thats why I became more serious with things. Family, work, school and relationship. I might be pushing my bf a lot to a point that he might hate me. Actually, I hate him as much as he hates me. We're kinda in a love hate relationship. Some people say that I am controlling in my relationship but others say that I am just too serious. People who called me a controlling person, makes me feel HORRIBLE. I am not a bad person. I'm a girl and I see things and want things differently from a guy. What can I say, I am from Verus and my bf from Mars.
SO my new year resolution (kinda earily for that) is to become CAREFREE. I know how to handle stress but I dont know how to relax..HAHAHA does that make any sense?